You Know Spring Cleaning Is Going Well When...

• Everything left in the refrigerator is edible.



• You realize your suspicions are true - you never had actually painted the walls that brownish color.



• You have brought in so many bags and apple boxes of goods, that the intake employees at Goodwill can't help but mention your growing resemblance to Mother Theresa. (And they mean this in a good way.)

• Those same employees look at you as though they secretly think you may be robbing other peoples homes to gain their favor at this point.
  



• You have dusted shelves, hosed down plants, scrubbed walls and touched up grout, but forgotten to take a shower.
  



• Your children ask if you are planning on putting the house up for sale.

True story.

(Though I have since remembered to shower.)

I can't wait to see how it ends...

Some Things I Do Not Approve Of:

Macaroni & Cheese for Dinner
Overspending the Budget
Fast Food Drive Thrus

Unshaven Legs

Children in Pajamas after 2PM

Stress-Eating

Late Blockbuster Movie Returns

Speeding (More about how I do not approve of speeding if you click HERE.)

Could I be guilty of so many naughty things in one weekend?


(Gulp)
Yep.


What have I become?

I know the answer.

I have become too busy.



(Or just plain socially unacceptable?)


(Wait! Many of the things on my list are actually considered socially acceptable these days.)

(That's a scary shame... but that's another story.)




Must... Fix... Problem.
I didn't want to be the one to tell you, but it turns out I am not the real Superwoman. Drats!
Therefore

Must... neglect... blog... briefly while I get things back under the illusion of control around here.

(Basically, I am off to shave my legs. Then I will make dinner - enchiladas to be exact, with homemade everything. Mmm. Then, if I have time, I may even return our blockbuster movie as I am sure there is a long line of angry consumers just waiting for the overdue return of Hunchback of Notre Dame Part II.)

I'll be back soon.

Because I Am Sick Of Doing Laundry.

And also because it is beautiful outside today. There are just the right amount of clouds in the sky, so it is not quite the 100 degree day it was yesterday - yet it is not overcast.

This is why today I will go shopping instead.

I have heard this can be therapeutic, and today I intend to test the concept a bit. I will do my best not to squander the mortgage away, and I will eventually return home and finish the laundry. Or so I am telling myself. I have washed 4 loads today already, and several more await me (though I did 2 loads yesterday? Laundry self propogates with alarming speed).



So my solution = go buy more clothes? Hmm... perhaps this requires more thought. Perhaps just one great thing to wear - or a great pair of shoes (a sickness - the shoe shopping) to convince myself that I am more Catherine Zeta Jones than Stepford Wife. Then perhaps I will move on to home decor (A weakness) or costco (Another weakness of bulk-sized proportions.)

Catherine Zeta

Stepford Wife

You understand, don't you?

P.S. Have I meantioned that I think Catherine Zeta Jones is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? If I were a man she would be my Johnny Depp. (Make that make sense - I dare you!)

No, I really don't have the time or the money, but denial can be such a happy place.

And I am off to my happy place, which just for the day may come in the form of a shopping mall.

I promise not to do this too often, so that I do not become one of those girls - which I am not.

But today I am.

Because laundry stinks and new shoes do not.

And because shoe shopping is not fattening.

Today is Tuesday.

You knew that.

Saturday is in 4 days.

You knew that too.

But, did you know that I will dance in a show on Saturday night?

Mark your calendar!


A lot of local amateur and professional ballroom dancers (and even a few ballroom babies sprinkled in like me) will be dancing in this show in Tempe, this Saturday night - the 25th, that promises to be a lot of fun to watch.

Come.
I personally invite you.
Have a fun, creative and entertaining date night - or just a fun night period. Bring your pom-poms, because I love a good cheerleader. Okay, you can leave the pom-poms at home if you prefer - I will still recognize you because my friends and family are the best, and always stand out in a crowd.


This is going to be a great show! If you'd like to come, let me know and I will fill you in on the details.

(P.S. Tickets are less expensive if you buy them before Saturday.)

Pay It Forward: The Results Episode!

I first must mention how much I have enjoyed the begging, flattery and fine poetry.

It makes me a bit sad to announce that it's all about to end, now that I have drawn a winner for the Pay It Forward giveaway.

I also have to mention that I did fear I was exaggerating a bit when I mentioned that I actually had three readers. I was more than delighted to see that there are actually four of you!

That you are into free stuff only makes me like you more.

.

Yes, results are forthcoming.

No, you should not quickly scroll ahead and skip my overtly dramatic presentation.

.

(What kind of results show would this be without the ridiculously drawn out conclusion?)

Okay, without any further delay

(Except for the drum rolls...)

The winner of the first ever Just Another Day In Paradise Pay It Forward Giveaway is

(Dim the lights...)

LMT!!

(Can I get a "Woot Woot"!!)

Now you can hate her because she's beautiful, and because she is a winner!

She is also insanely creative, and bound to have a faburrific giveaway of her own as she

Pays It Forward!

Love You Lindy-Lou!

Congrats!

As this basket is full of things I cannot live without, I have admittedly grown a little attached to it (in that way that cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory can influence a person to do), so I must part with it quickly (like is easiest with all things a person loves).

(And also because I am spring cleaning and this basket does not have a proper home here and therefore must leave.)

Be sure and shoot me an email with your address, so I will get it to the right place, and it can and will be on its way!

Betcha can't wait!

Last Chance To Win!

LAST CHANCE:
I WILL DRAW A WINNER FOR THE PAY IT FORWARD Giveaway TOMORROW!

Click HERE for details.
Don't miss out!

A Random Fact: I Have Been Hypnotized.

True story.

I attended one of those county fair demonstrations with a handful of friends.

We mostly went to make fun of the posers on stage.

This was a fun idea until my friends thought it would be a good idea to get an insider's perspective on hypno-poser-dom, and lucky me - I chose the short straw.





Next thing you know, I was sitting in my designated sceptic's chair on stage.

My plan was to prove hypnosis was a scam once and for all, and to return to my friends in as short amount of time as possible.





Interestingly, my plan failed.





I sat in my chair like a good little subject, and listened to all the crazy stuff the hypno-man was saying and kept my eyes closed like he asked.

He talked of tying imaginary balloons to our wrists and other nonsense.

When he asked us to open our eyes, my left arm was high above my head, and my wrist was dangling up in the air.





This was actually not part of my plan.

Remember: My plan was for nothing to happen, and for me to return to my seat in the audience. (Stick to the plan, girl, stick to the plan!)




Suddenly a thought occurred to me - Oh No! I have totally turned into one of those lame people on stage who plays along, since I am clearly not hypnotized...

(Never mind the arm.)


Hypno-man then excused several people from stage, but I was not one of them.


Hypno-man suggested we engage in some pretty silly behavior. Pure ridiculousness - all of it, but it just happened to sound like a good idea.
Pretty much everything he asked us to do just sounded like a good idea.


(You can just forget the notion that I was hypnotized - I certainly was not.)

(Never mind the audience laughing hysterically at my expense.)



Hypno-man then excused several more people from the stage to return to their seats in the audience.


In fact, he excused everyone but me.

He had a special plan in mind for me.

He announced his weight -210 lbs.

He then asked my weight -

125 lbs. at the time.

(P.S. - This is not the fun game called "Try To Figure Out How Long Ago This Was")


Hypno-man then announced his plan to place a stool beneath my neck and another stool beneath my ankles and then stand on my abdomen. He played really loud music. He whispered then told me intently, over and over again in my ears, for several minutes how strong I was - like steel - unbendable.




I did, oddly, suddenly believe I was quite strong and allowed his assistants to lift me and place me onto the chairs all stiff-like, like a plank of wood - and then, yes, he stood on my abdomen and I did not flinch or bend one little bit under his weight.

(Not that I was in fact, not only hypnotized - but THE MOST hypnotized of all!)
It seems this was some sort of a grand finale, as the crowd went wild with ooohs and aahhs and applause instead of the usual laughter.




I have been recounting this story, perhaps randomly, for about 15 years.




The name of hypno-man : David Silverman.
( I always think I will forget it, but it always comes right back.)





You see, after the show - when we were all "set right again" as I choose to call it, hypnoman also suggested that anytime hypnotism is brought up in our presence we will feel compelled to recount our experience in its entirety, and tell about him.



And, well, tonight it was brought up again.

Seriously, I do not feel at all compelled to share this with you. I just thought it was a good idea.

Don't worry - that hypnotism stuff is a bunch of baloney!
(Clearing throat. Yeah... nonsense.)

Happy Easter!

(I think these flowers are beautiful.)

It never really feels like Spring to me until Easter Day.

When I was a little girl I used to think that on Easter Sunday, women in church services often dress like easter eggs.

(I still secretly think that.)

(Don't tell anybody.)

On Easter, the Easter Bunny brings each of my kids their very own chocolate bunny.

And, on Easter, we do things a little differently around here.

I leave each of my kids an empty basket outside of their room. When they wake up, they find their easter basket empty. Then, my kids look around and they are delighted when they find eggs. When they're lucky, they even find ones stuffed with candy. The luckiest person finds the one that contains a picture of Jesus Christ in it - that person gets a special surprise gift that everyone is waiting to see.

We do this to re-enact the resurrection. Mary Magdalene went to visit Jesus's tomb and found it empty (empty baskets). She searched and found Jesus (delighted). She got an (extra special surprise) when she realized he was as present and living as ever...

and the others couldn't wait to see.

You might wonder if I believe all of this.

Yes. I do.

Happy Easter!

I hope your day was filled with happy moments, happy people and happy memories!

Memo: To the rain gods

Um, it's Saturday.

No raining allowed!

Future American Idols

Church Variety Show + Adriana + Even a little bit of Joey = A Camcorder Moment!!
Few things bring me joy like this...

Not too shabby for ages 9 & 11, eh?

Don't forget to vote!

Another Week In Paradise

Because I have devoted so much space to important things like reality T.V. and contests and I thought it only fair to show a little love for some of the "little things".

So "Another Week In Paradise" is born...

Lunch Date
Sometimes I am mad at my camera for forgetting to jump out of my purse and into my hands and document moments like this:
Me + Christiana + 1 BK Big Fish Sandwich = Lunch date.
Apparently, one can decide to sign in as a school visitor (you get to wear a special sticker that says visitor and has a big red apple on it) and join one's child for lunch "on campus"... even in first grade. Christiana has been throwing this information down at me pretty much all year, but as May is fast approaching - and therefore summer vacation - it was time to get this on the Calendar. So, Wednesday I wake up and she is already dressed down to her backpack & big smile. Her lunch order is clearly written in sharpie permanent marker (though nobody under age 30 is technically allowed to use one in our home) onto a scrap paper.

In large permanent letters:
Lunch date is today.
My order is BK Big Fish PLAIN from burger king.
One ICEE drink with blue and red
11:15 Sharp.
I show up at precisely 11:15 with Big Fish and Icee in hand, wearing my apple sticker, and I hear a sound of joy from across the playground. Of course, recess is the first part (who knew?), so I hang while Chrissy plays. 20 minutes later we lunch in the cafeteria while her buddies drift to the table to join us and giggle. Pretty much the best lunch date ever.

Sink Full of Curls
Again, darn that camera! Isaac had his bazillionth haircut. I am not going to lie to you - when his curls start to get a little big and loopy, and they brush over his big pink cheeks, I am tempted to let him run around in his diaper all day and glue little angel wings to his back, because he for sure is the most delicious cupid-like creature I have ever laid eyes on. Sometimes, though, I feed him oatmeal for breakfast. Oatmeal does interesting things to cherub-like curls, so haircuts are sometimes necessary.

Spring Cleaning Has Commenced
This really deserves a post of its own, but it can't have one since I am not certain spring cleaning will actually ever end. Who needs that kind of accountability? No camera. No evidence.

Guitar Hero World Tour
Has arrived at the Montoya home. I will miss my children.

Fun week.

It's A Contest!!

I am a Pay It Forward contest winner... And now, you can be too!

Here's how YOU CAN WIN something wonderful:

The details:
As easy as 1,2,3.
1. You enter my contest by leaving a comment on this post.
2. At the end of the contest I (or one of my lovely assistants) will randomly draw the name of one of my commenters from a hat (tupperware bowl). If you are the lucky commenter whose name is drawn, then YOU WIN!
3. If you win, then you Pay It Forward with a like contest on your blog.

Ah, yes, but you must have a blog to enter...
We must keep the game alive.

All you need to do to enter, is leave a comment.
Some say you do not need to beg or leave detailed, witty or otherwise engaging comments - as this will not influence the drawing in the least bit.
I say that while it is true that any comment at all will do -and those types of comments are totally unnecessary to win - I rather enjoy this type of blogger behavior so please - knock yourself out.

I also say: If you happen to be one of my three readers, and one who happens to both have a blog AND leave a comment, your odds are pretty dang good - so now is not the time to be shy...

You've practically won already!

The Prize:
A Gift Basket:
10 Things Under $10 That I Can Not Live Without

Contents:

1. Starbucks Hot Chocolate. (In the form of a $5 Starbucks Giftcard.) 2. A 2-pack of Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser. (Miracle!) 3. Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea Hand Lotion (Why I will, once again, turn 23 this birthday- and smell good doing it.) (Technically this costs $10.50 - but it's also, technically, always on sale...) 4. Hot Tamales Candy. 5. Automatic Pencils & Spiral Notebooks. (Always come in handy!) 6. Febreeze Linen & Sky Air Freshener. (Why people still tell me my house smells new.) 7. Cheesecake Factory's White Chololate Raspberry Cheesecake (Again, in giftcard form.) 8. Fabuloso Multi-Purpose cleaner. (Truly - the smell of clean. You will want to clean just to smell this smell.) 6. Breathsavers STRONG mints. (911 for awkward.) 10. ITunes. (Since you can download the program for free - here's another giftcard! $5)

I will choose the winner at 10 a.m. PST on April 16th.
Then I will call my Dad and wish him a happy birthday.
(Then I will figure out how on earth I am going to get this prize to you since I can't even manage to load the dishwasher - but a deal is a deal...)

Good Luck & Happy Commenting!

Cats and Dogs

Once or twice in semi-jest I have said that if we were pets,  I would be a cat.

Imagine my laughter when I came across this little ditty (shared with me by one of my bloggie buddies - (Thanks for the laugh Ali!) - original author unknown).

I couldn't resist passing this on...


Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
6:00am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
8:00am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am- Got rubbed and petted!
12:00pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5:00pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00pm - Played ball with them! My favorite thing!
8:00pm -Watched tv with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from A Cat's Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped it at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. There was some talk of the power of "allergies". I must learn of this and use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in assassinating one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced the other inmates here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now...

Dancing With The Stars... So Sad... Part II

So my brilliant SIL Diane comments that if Karina doesn't get a good partner by next season we should start a campaign. (Genius again, Diane!)

But I say "Why wait?"

Clearly, the partner picking committee over at DWTS needs a little help in the Karina department - let's give it to them.

I have carefully selected 3 potential partners for our ABC friends' consideration:

OPTION #1

Fred Astaire.

Perhaps you think me a bit unreasonable.

All right.

OPTION #2

Mikael Barishnikov.

Oprah Winfrey says you should never accept a "No" from anyone who doesn't have the authority to say "Yes"...

Okay. Good.

.

OPTION #3

Johnny Depp.

(...What? Why not?)

Dancing With The Stars... So Sad...

But... I can't really say that Karina's untimely departure came as a huge surprise can I?

She is still my favorite.