The Cat Chronicles

This is a story about Anti-Pet Family #1

(Or so we used to be called.)

(By our own selves, that's by who.)

The only reason we don't use that term anymore, is because we actually have a pet.

Introducing:

 Pumpkin

A cat.  Who lives with us.  On purpose.

It is absolutely ridiculous that we have a cat,

and,

as I peel her off from around the top of my head

(where she frequently - and mistakenly - thinks she belongs)

I will tell you WHY:

It is ridicuous that we have a cat because we are the self-declared anti-pet family #1.

That's why.

Now I'll tell you HOW we came to have a cat - a much better story.

HOW Anti-pet Family #1 became the owners of a cat - I'll break it down into 2 parts:

Chapter 1: The only reason we have a cat is because someone gave us a fish.

On Sundays, the youngest of our children attend a nursery meeting at church, while we adults attend Sunday school classes.

Cute lessons are taught in the nursery about love, gratitude, and other niceties...

One particular unsuspecting Sunday, the cute lesson of "I am grateful for water" was taught.

As a token of water gratitude learnedness:  The even cuter idea of giving each teensy child a little water-filled baggie with a living breathing goldfish swimming around inside was executed.

(This had to sound like the cutest idea in the world to someone - but wait,

let me ask you - Is a goldfish not a pet?)

(Cough! Hack!)

  Exactly.

So, little Christiana -18 months old at the time- walked out of class with a big smile, and an even bigger surprise - As in:

SURPRISE! YOU ARE NOW PET OWNERS!

Say wha??

Who amongst you could look into the eyes of an eighteen month old angel who is proudly holding up (with both chubby little hands) the most wonderful thing she has clearly ever seen - and break her little heart?

Not I.

How much trouble could one little goldfish be?

Well, I'll tell you:

One $40 goldfish home

$10 worth of goldfish home decor complete with muti-colored rocks and a sunken pirate ship.

1 Bubbling goldfish oxygenating contraption
and goldfish food.

Oh, and did I mention (not more than 24 hours later) :  1 dead goldfish.

That's right.
Muerto.

THAT is how much trouble one little goldfish can be.

And THEN, 
I, the new pet mom,
engaged in the covert operation of quickly capturing the floating fish corpse with the little green net to make an emergency 9:58 PM run to Petsmart for goldfish twin #1.

And THEN,
not a week later,
it was time for ANOTHER stealth run to Petsmart for "Slicky" twin #2 (because now the goldfish had a name, but was just as departed).

When the time came (and it came soon), we decided to leave our dearly departed Slicky twin #2 (goldfish #3) publicly floating, because 3 fish in one week was flat out pathetic, and it was time we came to terms with that. 

And also because I was afraid of getting reported to PETA.

Chapter 2: The only reason we have a cat is because she is not a fish.

Nobody can hold a fish. Nobody can snuggle with a fish.

The fish has no way of letting you know that it is actually appreciating your company - so I was absolutely dumbfounded at how quickly all of my children declared their love for this creature.

It is unfortunate, but apparently "pet" has a designated area in the young child heart, and once it is filled it can never be left empty again. Three children with empty pet hearts was too much for even Anti-Pet Family #1 to bear.

Enter: The internet.

Enter: This picture:

Yes. 

Cute.

Exit: A boatload of cash.

Enter: The cat into our home.

Because cats are hardier than goldfish.

The End.