The Third Degree

You've heard of it, haven't you?


Seen it on Law & Order?
























That relentless, high-pressure questioning that gets a suspect really sweating until he reaches his breaking point and pours his soul out (along with any confessions) to the interrogators -


You know - "The Third Degree".





I don't know why it's called the third degree. It was 119 degrees outside a couple of days ago according to my dashboard thermometer. Now THAT is some serious heat.



Put me out in that kind of heat and I will confess whatever you want to hear.

Weight?

Age?

What I really thought about Johnny Depp in Don Juan?


Do your worst.


Jail cells are air-conditioned, no?

















I hereby declare that the third degree concept be scrapped in favor of "The 119th Degree". Because I like to declare things.


And, because I don't think it gets much hotter than that... at least I hope not.


Or I am moving.
Again.
You know I will...

Free Samples, Anyone?

What?! Where?!



I am quite aware that when put in the same sentence, the very words "free" and "sample" poise most members of my family for a stampede.



I'll admit that while "free" is still my favorite price, I do not love free samples. Free samples fall into two categories for me:



1. Needless clutter.

or

2. Needless calories.



I'm sorry.
I realize that when it is hot outside I am uncharacteristically cranky.

And it is inhumanely hot outside.

I'm burning.
I'm melting.
Wah.



I digress...



Today, on this very HOT Arizona day, I experienced the mother of all free sample detestable experiences.



This is worse than the baby dropping his free chocolate ice-cream blob through the leg holes in the cart right onto mommy's expensive shoes.



Worse than the free salsa sample my son generously brought to me in the grocery store while forgetting to mention that it came from the side of the display table with the cutout cardboard flames.



Today on this VERY VERY HOT Arizona day (Read: I was already cranky and I knew it.) it was business as usual: My kids had just returned from a field trip and I was signing them out to come home. I was looking for my kids amongst hundreds of kids and 15-20 camp counselors in purple camp shirts when I heard a familiar voice.



Adriana's voice.

Adriana's very very loud excited voice.



She was coming towards me out of the crowd shouting something and holding something high above her head in plain sight - a souvenier from her trip.



"Mom!! Mom!! I got these for you, and they were free, FREE!"



At this point lots of fellow campers and their parents were also interested in looking on to see what she was so excited about.



No... No... no-no-no-no it couldn't be.



Yes, yes it was.



"Tam-poons Mom, look! And they were free so I got them for you! Cool, huh?"



















Um, thank you?

Wicked Good!

No - Wicked Awesome!

I mean Wicked was awesome!

We have been in love with the music for years. We sing it at breakfast. We sing it in the car. We sing it in the shower. (Great acoustics in the shower!)

We tried to catch it 3 years ago when it first came to Arizona, but there was some business about our moving to California that interfered. Whatever. Details.

Well, when we heard Wicked was coming back to town, our family reserved tickets almost a year in advance - oh, just in case.

Thank Goodness. And, I'm glad we arrived early because parking was No Good Deed. Some people probably don't mind hiking a couple of miles to the auditorium in 4" heels, but I'm Not That Girl. I would have done it for this Popular show, but I'm glad I didn't have to. One listen to The Wizard And I was Defying Gravity and Dancing Through Life - For Good. And unlike three years ago when we missed the show entirely, tonight No One Mourns The Wicked! I must say it was One Fine Day!

Okay, I Admit It.

I am a loner at heart.

A happy loner.

At least for short periods of time.

.

Several people felt better because I was sad to leave them at the airport last week:

I dropped Joey off Monday for his two weeks in Puerto Rico.

Adriana - Tuesday for 10 days in Wichita.

Paul & Christiana - Thursday for 4 days in Wisconsin.

Lela (my bestie who was staying with us) - Thursday also - and she's not even coming back... well, not to our home anyway.

.

Sure, I was sad to see them go.

For about twenty minutes.

(You see, I am not totally heartless.)

Then it dawned on me:

Nobody was messing up the house right now.

I could eat cereal for dinner, and sleep right smack in the middle of the bed.

I could crank down the AC and hog the blanket and stack my pillows 4 high.

I did not have to lock the bathroom door, and I was never stranded without toilet paper.

All of the laundry was done by the time I went to bed.

All of the laundry was still done when I woke up.

Also, when I woke up, the other half of my bean burrito was still in the fridge.

Eureka!

I had four days of complete domestic deconstruction and no witnesses.

Well, Isaac didn't notice.

Sure, I love my family.

And I even missed them...

Eventually.

But, I did receive phone calls from 3 different states and 1 island every single day.

I also received several unexpected drop by visits from my mother-in-law.

You know how much I love that.

(Remember?)

And now, now, I am so glad most of my family is back, and I can hardly wait for my last two to get home.

(That means you must give them back Mom & Gramita)

(I mean it. No funny business about finders keeepers.)

But all of this after those first four days.

.

Those four days alone - with nothing to do - were dang near paradise for a girl who hasn't been left alone in her own home for 13 years.

Seriously, just say that out loud.

.

I am not saying that I prefer the loner plan long term,

but as for enjoying it short term:

Guilty.